a geeky journey back to child like faith

Two months ago I totaled my car. I pulled across a two-lane highway and didn’t see this monster of a truck hiding in the blind spot. He had just enough time to hit the brakes but it was too little too late as I took the full impact right in my driver’s side door.

My life didn’t flash before my eyes, I didn’t think of my family or friends. My final thought was, nothing. Maybe it’s because I didn’t have time to react and I was still trying to move my car out of the way. Maybe it’s because my brain was moving 1000 times faster than my body could react, trying to survive. All I remember is seeing his tires, those over-sized tires, turning and sliding to miss me. I remember seeing the big GMC emblem and then turning my head away from the glass at the last second, then, nothing.

I don’t remember being hit, probably because of the force. The guy that towed my car said he had never witnessed anything like it in his 15 years of working accidents. My door panel was fused to the grill of the truck. When I told him I was the one driving he looked at me like I was an alien, I remember that look; he thought I had been killed.

A few seconds after impact I regained consciousness. I remember feeling my ribs move in my chest. It was sickening; I couldn’t get a breath no matter how hard I tried.  I was also praying, I didn’t even know what I was saying at first but as my brain began to boot back up I recognized the words “help me God.” I was repeating this over and over even as I struggled to get air into my lungs. I thought I was going to die right there. This is where I realized my life was over. This is where I began to think of my little girl, my wife and my unborn son. I Struggled with everything in me to get my lungs to work but nothing would happen. Repeating those words “help me God, help me God, help me God” in desperation as my vision began to go dark. I remember trying to figure out what was in my mouth, I thought it was my teeth but it turned out to be glass.  I remember my leg, it was numb, my face was numb and I couldn’t move.

So, there I sat. Covered in blood, no oxygen, gasping for air that wouldn’t come, thinking of my family and watching the spots crawl into my vision, I was slipping, I could feel it. Those words were still being mumbled as I tried to draw a breath, and then something happened. I really can’t explain the feeling but it was if I went from one body to another and I snapped into reality. That sounds crazy, believe me I’ve went over this a million times and that picture is always the same. Breath filled my lungs, I grunted like an animal and then I began to feel everything. As I drew a few more breaths I began to self evaluate everything. I checked my arm, it was bleeding pretty bad, I checked my face and spit out the glass, everything was where it was supposed to be. I wiggled my toes and made sure I could move my arms and head.

I was loopy but I was alive and 3 hours later I walked, ok they pushed me in a wheelchair but I could walk, out of the E.R. No stitches, no breaks, no fractures, no brain damage, just some bruising and superficial cuts. I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t in pain, because I was in a lot of pain. I had bruising on my ribs and my left tibia was bruised badly (it still hurts), but I was too happy to be alive at that moment to really care about the pain.

I know that there is a scientific explanation to my ordeal. I know that some will say it was adrenaline or the will to live that snapped me back, and there may be some truth to that. But I also know what I felt. I was broken inside and it wasn’t just the wind that had been knocked out of me. I’ve had concussions before and I’ve had the wind knocked out of me, this was much more serious, things weren’t in the right place. I know what I felt in that moment the breath came back into me. I remember that feeling of praying as I regained consciousness and the feeling of my body coming back awake. I don’t know if I was healed in that moment, or if God just shielded me, I don’t have proof of what happened in the car but I believe with everything in me that it was supernatural. I’m not the kind of guy to go all “spiritual,” I’m actually over-reserved when it comes to miracles and supernatural things. But God saved my life that I’m sure of. He heard my prayer of desperation, a moment of raw, emotional desperation, and He rescued me.

I don’t know why I’m sharing this. Some of these things I’ve kept to myself. Mainly out of fear of what people may say. Maybe it just took me some time to cope with the whole thing myself, I’ve tried to reason it out, believe me. Maybe this is therapy; I still have nightmares about the accident. Whatever it is, I want people to know that God is still in the business of working miracles. I’m walking proof of that.